Finding by who they are
How to find a mentor who will actually reply
To find a mentor, look for someone only a few years ahead of you, ask one small specific question rather than asking them to be your mentor, and let the relationship grow from there.
By Invenitor team. Updated .
Why is asking "will you be my mentor?" a poor opening?
The question sounds like a big, unclear commitment. It asks someone who does not know you to take on an open-ended duty. Most busy people will say no or say nothing, even those who would have happily helped you.
Mentorship usually grows in the other direction. Someone helps you with one thing. You use the advice and tell them what happened. They help you again. A few conversations later, you have a mentor, and nobody ever used the word.
Who should you actually look for?
Look for someone two to five years ahead of you on the path you want, not the most senior person in the field. They remember your exact problem. Their advice still applies to today's conditions. They also have more time and are flattered to be asked, whereas a very senior person gets these notes every week.
Look at what they have done, not their title. Someone who moved from your current position to where you want to be is the ideal first contact. Having two or three such people is better than one, since nobody has every answer. See who shares your college, city or background, because a shared point gives you an honest reason to write.
Where do you find them?
Begin close to home and move outward:
- Your own network: former managers, seniors from your college, and colleagues who have moved on.
- Alumni groups. A shared college is one of the easiest reasons to write. See how to find alumni.
- Communities around your work: meetups, Slack groups and professional associations.
- Writers and speakers in your field, who are already sharing what they know.
- Formal mentoring programs, run by colleges, industry bodies and incubators.
- A people search. Describe the path, as in "product managers in Bengaluru who started in customer support". On Invenitor you see up to 100 people, with role, company and links.
What should your first message say?
Keep it short, under about eighty words. Show that you have done your homework and ask for something that takes a few minutes:
- Who you are, in one line.
- Why them, naming the step they took that you want to take.
- One question that only someone like them could answer.
- A line that says no reply is fine.
For example: "I am two years into customer support at a SaaS company in Pune. I saw you moved into product after a similar start. Was there one project that made that move possible? No worries if you are too busy to reply." That is a question someone can answer from a phone in a minute.
How do you turn one reply into a relationship?
Act on what they tell you. Then write back and say what you did and what happened. This is the step almost nobody takes, and it is what makes a person want to help you again. It also proves that their time was not wasted.
Then ask your next small question. Space your messages out, perhaps every month or two. Share things they might find useful, and do not only arrive when you need something. Over time, you can suggest a short regular call if it seems natural, but many good mentoring relationships never need any formal arrangement.
What if nobody replies?
Silence is common, and it rarely says anything about you. People are busy. Try one short follow-up after a week or two, then move on to the next person. See how to follow up.
If you have written to several people without reply, look at your message again. Is it about you or about them? Does it ask for something small? Would a stranger be able to answer it in a minute?
Testing costs very little. 25 free credits on Invenitor cover one search and five contacts, and a contact is charged only when an email or phone comes back. Students can read how students use people search. Remember that people can say no, and always thank anyone who gives you their time, even if the answer is not what you hoped for.
Common questions
- Should a mentor be in my company?
- Not necessarily. An outside mentor can speak more freely about your options, while an internal one knows the people. Many people have both.
- Should I pay a mentor?
- Most informal mentoring is unpaid. If you want regular structured help, paying a coach is a fair option, and it is a different relationship.